The Script, Edition 7 - July 2011

While the seasons are mixed in Bombay - extereme heat or heavy rains, I have some mixed feelings myself. July marks 1 year since I left the shores of Bombay for Canada and bringing this newsletter to you every month via satellite. While they are some nostalgic feelings left in Bombay, Canada has given me some opportunities to see and meet some wonderful theatre people.

Back home, this month sees 3 long awaited plays make their premieres: Ansh presents (a production that is not written by Makarand Deshpande)  'What a Lota!' , the ever prolific ACE puts Cyrus Broacha in 'One of Six'  and Quaff Theatre presents the eagerly anticipated 'The Real Inspector Hound'.

On the QTP Front, we have a had a busy and turbulent last few weeks.

Sameer Rao during Whale Song

It began with the landmark Whale Song project which involved a cellist and a poet playing live at the Deal Music Festival in the UK, with Samir Rao playing in tandem with them from a studio in Bombay. What seemed like a simple enough exercise turned into quite technical challenge, and eventually all systems were up and running only 5 minutes before the curtain went up. However, the talented musicians performed expertly, and the evening was a great success.

Straight off the back of that, we dived into what was supposed to be a run of shows of our new play Nostalgia Brand Chewing Gum. Unfortunately due to the flu that is sweeping our city, three of the four cast were unfit, and we, for the first time in our history had to cancel shows. However for those who did turn up, we treated them to a staged reading of the play with the director Vivek Madan, new draftee Freishia Bomanbehram and even Quasar doing the honours with the only healthy member of the original cast Kalliroi Tziafeta.

But July brings a new season - Thespo season. And we start off with the first step towards Thespo 13, with the Orientation Meeting kicking off in Bombay on July 16th and more to follow in the rest of the month. So come all you under 25 who have the passion and desire to be seen on the grandest stage of them all. Great Text Reading will also be there on the last Monday of the month. Also we restart our After Hours weekend theatre workshop, running from Mid July to Mid August. So sign up now.!

Our quiz section seems to have stalled last month. We got only 1 reply :( WHERE IS EVERYBODY??
Hope to see more votes to this months questions. The 1 that replied last month, was right though:
Who lived at the real 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue when the musical of the same name opened in 1976?
The correct answer was: Gerald Ford.

In this month's edition of 'The Script', Here's what you can look forward to this month:


Trivia Time: The Tony Awards
Great Text: Announcing Comedy Quarter. 3 comedy plays. Starting with Woody Allen's hilarious 'God'.
Nostalgia Brand Chewing Gum: Our shows didn't go according to plan!
Thespo 13: Orientation Meeting!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friends of Thespo: Become one now!
Point of View: Priti Bakalkar reviews Sunil Shanbag's 'Stories in a Song'.
4 Corners: Himanshu Sitlani reviews Tim Supple's 'One Thousand and One Nights' which premiered in Toronto.
Dolly Thakore's 'Life in Theatre': Dolly Thakores shares her exciting month of theatre.
AK's Various Thoughts: Revisiting Ahmedabad and Sanjay Dadhich.
Kashin Baba's Babblings: Kashin Shetty analyses types of theatre audience's.
Q's Countdown: The wrong reasons why people do theatre
Up & Coming: Complete Schedule of what to watch in July.
Theatre Training: QTP announces After Hours, and 4 Workshops by Theatre Professionals.
Other Theatre News: Gillo's Drama Club for Children and International Clown Festival.
Curtain Call: Abbie Hoffman on free speech and theatre.

Yours Sincerely,

On Behalf of Q Theatre Productions,

Himanshu.
Editor, The Script

Trivia Time - The Tony Awards

• The Antoinette Perry Award for Excellence in Theatre, more commonly known as a Tony Award, recognizes achievement in live Broadway theatre.
  
•  The awards are named after Antoinette Perry, co-founder of the American Theatre Wing.
  
• The awards are presented by the American Theatre Wing and The Broadway League at an annual ceremony in New York City
  
• The first awards ceremony was held on April 6, 1947, at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York City. The first prizes were "a scroll, cigarette lighter and articles of jewellery such as 14-carat gold compacts and bracelets for the women, and money clips for the men." It was not until the third awards ceremony in 1949 that the first Tony medallion was given to award winners.
  
• Awarded by a panel of approximately 700 judges from various areas of the entertainment industry and press, the Tony Award is generally regarded as the theatre's equivalent to the Oscars, for excellence in film; the Grammys for the music industry, and the Emmys for excellence in television. In British theatre, the equivalent of the Tony Award is the Laurence Olivier Award. A number of the world's longest-running and most successful shows, as well as some actors, directors, choreographers and designers, have received both Tony Awards and Olivier Awards.
  
• The Tony Award medallion was designed by Herman Rosse and is a mix of mostly brass and a little bronze, with a nickel plating on the outside; a black acrylic glass base, and the nickel-plated pewter swivel. The face of the medallion portrayed an adaptation of the comedy and tragedy masks and, as noted, the reverse side had a relief profile of Antoinette Perry.
  
•  There are presently 26 categories of awards, plus several special awards. Starting with 11 awards in 1947, the names and number of categories have changed over the years; a complete history of each award category was published in 2005.
  
• A newly established non-competitive award, The Isabelle Stevenson Award, was given for the first time at the awards ceremony in 2009. The award is for an individual who has made a "substantial contribution of volunteered time and effort on behalf of one or more humanitarian, social service or charitable organizations."
• While the theatre-going public may consider the Tony Awards to be the Oscars of live theatre, critics have suggested that the Tony Awards are primarily a promotional vehicle for a small number of large production companies and theatre owners in New York City. Only shows playing in one of 40 large "Broadway" theatres (500 seats or more) designated by the Tony Awards Management Committee are eligible for the Tony Awards. Only a portion of the Broadway theatres feature a "new" production in any given season, and there are 27 award categories, so most new shows receive one or more nominations.
  
• Producers say that the Tony Award is the only award that sells tickets. "Winning best musical or best play, they say, means money in the bank."

Great Text Reading - Come read a play with us!

On the last Monday of every month people meet in Q's drawing room to read a play they may have heard of but not necessarily have read. Writer's come to see how the greats wrote, actors come to play multiple parts and theatre lovers come because it keeps them in touch with the art form. It is open all and everyone takes turns in playing characters from the play. Discussions ensue after over tea and biscuits.

In the month of May, we continued with the George Bernard Shaw theme and read 'Man and Superman' - a romantic comedy which tells the story of two rivals : John Tanner, a wealthy, politically-minded intellectual who values his freedom, and Ann Whitefield, a charming, scheming hypocritical young woman who wants Tanner as a husband. Once Tanner realizes that Miss Whitefield is hunting for a spouse (and that he is the only target), he attempts to flee from her, only to find out that his attraction to Ann is too overwhelming to escape.

Even in George Bernard Shaw's day, his epic drama Man and Superman was one hell of a challenge. When Man and Superman was staged in uncut form in 1915, the play lasted five hours. Man and Superman is in turn enthralling, exasperating, engaging, exhausting, and goodness knows how taxing. We left out Act III in our reading as it is a whole play in itself. The reading lasted us Three and a half hours, but with George Bernard Shaw's humor and wit, none of us realised how time passed. It was definitely an evening well spent.

In July, continuing with theme based readings, for the next 3 months we will be reading some funny plays. To start us off, we will be reading Woody Allen's (yes, he wrote plays as well!!!) 'God' - 'Neurotic playwright Hepatitis and reluctant leading man Diabetes ponder the implications of God's existence as they desperately search for a way to conclude their play.'

God, subtitled A Comedy in One Act, was first published in 1975, along with Death, and other short stories in Woody Allen's book Without Feathers. The play comes close to utter absurdity as ancient Greek masters have to argue with lonely Manhattan late night theatre visitors in a plot that seems to be falling into pieces every time Allen introduces a new character, which seems to have no relation to the creatures which have already appeared.

Woody Allen (born Allen Stewart Konigsberg; December 1, 1935) is an American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, jazz musician, author, and playwright. Allen's distinctive films, which run the gamut from dramas to screwball sex comedies. He also became a successful Broadway playwright and wrote Don't Drink the Water in 1966, which we also read as part of Great Texts in August 2006.

The next play Allen wrote that was produced on Broadway was Play It Again, Sam, which he also starred in. He has written several one-act plays, including 'Riverside Drive' and 'Old Saybrook' which both explore well-known Allen themes.

So come on the 25th of July at 7:30pm at 18 Anukool, Sq. Ldr. Harminder Singh Marg, 7 Bungalows. Next to Daljit Gym. All are welcome. If you need directions call Varrun on 26392688 or 9930666332.

Nostalgia Brand Chewing Gum - We had to cancel.

NOSTALGIA BRAND CHEWING GUM

We unfortunately had to cancel shows of  Nostalgia Brand Chewing Gum due to actors falling for the current flu epidemic....sigh!!! 3 of the 4 cast members were down due to health reasons. But, in the immortal words of Queen, the show must go on. So instead of putting up a show with 3 new actors which may not have been a very strong show, we have decided to have a dramatised rehearsed play-reading of the same play. Most of the set and props and lights etc stayed the same except for the actors. The Director – Vivek Madan stepped in to play ‘Adil’, which was originally played by Tariq Vasudeva. Freishia Bomanbehram was cast in Diksha Basu's role as ‘Natasha’ and Q replaced Karan Pandit to play ‘Bob’; although in truth he was playing Karan playing Bob.

We could not in good faith charge for the play reading. So the show was, of course, un-ticketed. For those of you who came, a sincere Thank You for your support and the contribution that you made into the basket.

 

Our next shows are slated for September, so watch this space for details.

For more information call 26392688 or email: qtp@qtp.in

Thespo 13 - Orientation Meeting

It's finally here. India's largest youth theatre festival is back in it's 13th avatar. So while the festival is not till December, now is the time you can get involved in all the dramatic ways you've dreamed about. 

THESPO 13 ORIENTATION MEETING

If you are under 25, interested in theatre and looking for an opportunity, Thespo 12 is here for you. Find out how you can get involved in acting, writing, directing, graphic design, film-making, and much more!

At 4pm on Saturday 16 July at Prithvi House

How you can get involved:

* Stage a Play: Any play on any topic. Must be at least 1 hour long.
* Short performances in a non-regular space are held before every show. (Includes mime, short plays, poetry reading, monologues, etc.)
* Attend a Workshop: Workshops each month conducted by eminent theatre veterans on a variety of topics.
* Design A Poster: Poster designing competition, where participants design posters for the short listed plays, which will be exhibited at the festival.
* Write an Article: Submitting an article on theatre for the festival magazine.
* Join Team Thespo: Design posters, sets, interior décor, work in PR, marketing, backstage, lighting, interact with theatre professionals, organize performances and a whole lot more. 

Thespo 13 - Get Lucky!

For an overview of last year's festival, watch the video here.

For further details: 2639 2688 /Join 'Thespo' group on Facebook/ www.thespo.org

Friends of Thespo - Become one now!!

Become a Friend of Thespo TODAY!

Come be a part of a community of Thespo-lovers.

The purpose of Friends of Thespo is to build a network with Thespo lovers. Allow us to keep track of those that have moved on past the 25 year old barrier, and to keep a connection going. Allowing ex-Thespoans to ensure that the assembly line of theatre lovers continues.

The features of Friends of Thespo is relatively simple:

For a fee of a minimum of Rs. 2,000/- we will provide the following:

· A Free Friends of Thespo Tshirt

· Two Free Tickets to any performance during Thespo 13.

· Priority booking with regards to tickets for shows.

· A Free Thespo 13 Magazine.

All you need to do, is email us on fot@thespo.org saying that you are interested, and send us a cheque in the name of “Theatre Group – Play Thespo” and we will provide you with a FoT registration number, which you can quote when booking or collecting you tickets.

So don't delay...become a FOT today!

Point of View - Priti Bakalkar reviews Sunil Shanbag's 'Stories in a Song'

STORIES IN A SONG

First weekend of June, pouring rains, mad traffic jams, tired me from a long drive back in Mumbai after a lovely weekend at Alibag and 5p.m. show of Sunil Shanbag’s latest play, “Stories in a Song” at Prithvi!

I had heard about the basic concept of the play and found it really adventurous so I was looking forward to it. Therefore, in spite of the hardships listed earlier and the fact that I had to travel for more than an hour to get back home, I decided to watch the show.

The play is supposed to be thought up by Shubha Mudgal and comprises 7 pieces built around musical traditions from northern India. As I settled down in the theatre, I saw a small orchestral arrangement to the side: a harmonium, a tabla, a dhol etc. etc. The show was delayed a bit because of the mad rains that day.  Eventually, after not so long wait it began.

The first piece, Songs of the Nuns, was the most melancholy among the seven pieces and also somewhat failed to catch the attention of a tired me especially in the nice, cozy, cool air conditioning of Prithvi. I started dozing off. My apologies to the actors, but honestly, throughout that piece I was thinking to myself “is this what I have dragged myself across waterlogged roads”? The piece was based on poems of Buddhist Nuns, the story of which I failed to understand.

The second piece took us to a brothel from the monastery. The story had something to do with Mahatma Gandhi and the Tawaif Sabha. The tawaif in this piece recounted in speech and song, an encounter between the tawaifs of Benares and Gandhi. I fought to keep myself awake through this piece too. I was about to decide to leave instead of disrespecting the actors with my suppressed yawns, when the third piece started.

It was adapted from Chandni Begum, an Urdu novel by Qurrat-ul-Ain Haider. Chandani Begum, beautifully portrayed the struggle of the family of folk singers and their attempts to persuade an influential newspaper editor to print some promotional material for their attractive daughter. They were unashamedly exhibiting the daughter or using her as a bait to get a forward push to their struggling careers. Nishi Doshi, as Bela, the attractive daughter in her 1950s sari and flower-pinned chignon, captured my attention completely with her old fashioned singing. Namit Das as her enthusiastic brother was quite funny but not so effective. By the end of this piece I was completely awake and I was happy that I had stayed.

The fourth piece, titled Bahadur Ladki, was my  favorite of all the seven. It was adapted from a work of the same name by Purva Naresh. It used nautanki - a folk theatre form involving singing, dancing and parody - to tell the story of a courageous girl who in colonial times confronted a wicked British officer played by Namit Das. He was electrifying. In spite of playing a leery, villainous character, he took the largest and loudest applause of the audience. It was just fantastic performance by Namit.

The fifth piece, Hindustani Airs, was based on the conflict between the western and Indian musical traditions. It was apparently very fashionable in colonial times to collect and transcribe “native” music. Pia Sukanya was fabulous as Lady Isabelle Harding, a “gori mem”, eager to learn a “Hindu” melody from certain Khanum Jaan played by Mansi Multani. It was fun to watch the two women of two different cultural background and social status. However, after watching the high energy performance in the fourth piece, this piece did manage to match up the same energy level.

The next performance, titled Whose Music Is It? – was one of the weakest pieces. It was a very loosely scripted story about a dedicated singer whose music gets commercially exploited by an unscrupulous, profit maniac music director/ music company owner behind his back. It was disheartening to see the graph of the evening going lower.

That was until the final story, Kajri Akhadas. Namit Das, Shubhojit, Gopal Tiwari and the rest of the cast captivated the entire audience with their jugalbandi singing. The audience sang along with the actors, they laughed at and with them. The fact that all the actors were such talented singers made it an exceptional experience and icing on the cake was English kajri by Namit, once again! He stole the show with his voice and what a voice! It was the perfect way to end the evening. Definitely worth the trouble through the mad traffic jams and mucky, muddy roads of Mumbai.         

4 Corners - Himanshu Sitlani reviews Tim Supple's 'One Thousand and One Nights' which opend in Toronto.

ONE THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS

‘One Thousand and One Nights’ or most commonly referred to as Arabian Nights or 'Alf Layla wa-Layla' in Arabic. As children we’ve all heard and read these stories. So when Tim Supple's version of the classic tales came to Toronto as part of the fifth annual ‘Luminato’ festival, this was a must watch.

 For those who are unaware, the basic story involves a Persian king who was shocked to discover his wife's infidelity and has her executed, but in his bitterness and grief decides that all women are the same. The king, Shahryar, begins to marry a succession of virgins only to execute each one the next morning, before she has a chance to dishonour him. Eventually the vizier, whose duty it is to provide them, cannot find any more virgins. Scheherazade, the vizier's daughter, offers herself as the next bride and her father reluctantly agrees. On the night of their marriage, Scheherazade begins to tell the king a tale, but does not end it. The king is thus forced to postpone her execution in order to hear the conclusion. The next night, as soon as she finishes the tale, she begins a new one, and the king, eager to hear the conclusion, postpones her execution once again. So it goes on for 1,001 nights.

The original stories never included the children’s stories of ‘Alladin’ or ‘Ali Baba’. These were incorporated by the Europeans translators. What many are still unaware, even me, was that the original tales were anything but for children. They were highly graphic and highly sexual in nature. And that’s the version of the tales that Tim Supple used in this version.

The play itself was of 2 parts of 3 hours each, adapted by Lebanese author Hanan al-Shayak comprised of 19 performers from Iraq, Syria, Algeria, Dubai, Morocco, Lebanon, Egypt, Iran and Alexandria. Not to mention 5 wonderful musician’s.

I will not go into the details of the 20 stories used (else reading this will be longer the play itself). Staying true to the source, the stories are complex, involve multiple characters and interweaving plots and feature elements of treachery, mistaken identity, tragedy and comedy. The language was predominantly in Arabic with bits of French and English thrown in. For the benefit of those who don’t know Arabic, the setup involved 4 tv screens with subtitles.

Of the performers Houda Echouafni and Ramzi Choukair were a class apart from the others. Assad Bouab as King Sharayar and the Caliph was very dynamic. The five piece orchestral ensemble, providing striking and appropriate music throughout is also one of the show’s highlights which appealed to me highly, probably had to do a lot with my Arabic culture up bringing. (I spent a lot of my early years in the Gulf)

The set design didn’t quite match the epic scale of the story telling. The thrust stage setup with audience on 3 sides wasn’t fitting well in the space. The big door at the back which was used as a cupboard mostly and as dark space where actors would come and go was a disappointment. Also considering the space was mainly designed for an Opera, the acoustics wasn’t that great. Keeping an eye on the performance and reading subtitles is quite a task and considering that’s 95% of the play was hard to really follow a lot of story telling. Also the subtitles kept getting stuck so suddenly one was left clueless as too what was happening. The English is far between, that one still ends up looking for subtitles for the English spoken words.

But all in all, think it was the grand story telling that kept me enthralled over the 2 days. I would suggest that if you ever get a chance to watch it, do leave your young ones at home. Else you’ll be left needing to explain what the dildo represented to your child (true story!) in the middle of the performance. By the way, one scene even involved a glimpse of an actor’s penis.

Even though the tales ultimately lead to stereotypes - women are devious, men are gullible and when a man realized he has been fooled, he is likely to respond with violence, ‘One Thousand and One Nights’ is a must watch for theatre lovers. To quote a line from another play “The first duty of a story teller is to tell a story” – I think this play achieved just that.

Dolly Thakore's 'Life in the Theatre'

NSD SELECTIONS

June has been an exciting theatre month for me after a very long time. It started with my being on the Jury Panel of the National School of Drama for its incoming aspirants…spending two full days with like-minded people, singularly involved in an activity which  propels our lives.  And feeling responsible for grooming/guiding/motivating young actors who will shape the life of theatre in India.

Over two days we auditioned some forty-eight candidates from Bihar, Gujarat, Rajasthan, West Bengal, Uttaranachal, Jharkhand,  Madhya Pradesh, and  Maharashtra.  And were suitably impressed with the energy, zeal and interest of most of these young adults straining at the leash as it were – economically, emotionally -- to pursue this stream of performing arts….even if they had their sights set on Bollywood and television, at least the quality of such streams-- after their three years of rigorous training at India’s premiere National School of Drama  would produce erudite, qualified, experienced actors. We have examples of Naseeruddin Shah, Rohini Hattangady, Om Puri, to name just a few.

The criteria for selection did not restrict itself to just looks or performance. There were some who impressed with their sense of folk rhythm in Lavni and Bhavai, Tamasha, Yakshagana, strong body control, powerful voice, vulnerability, sensitivity in delivering lines from passages like Tughlak, Baby, Mrichchhakatika, Giddade, even Shakespeare’s Juliet, or Gulzar’s poem Intezaar.  They all came from modest homes and some belonged to the Banjara community.  One young woman’s address was Narmada ke kinare!

But it was their passion that ignited our interest. Some were raw clean slates that would enjoy being moulded. What a challenge for teachers!!!

Early in the month, I went to Shivaji Mandir after many years to see 'Jaswandi' written and directed by Sai Paranche….a play that was staged some thirty years ago with an unforgettable performance by a smashing Vijaya Mehta in the lead.  This was a revisiting of an old play done in the traditional proscenium style. What pained one was to see this home of Marathi theatre so neglected and unkempt, right beside the Shiv Sena Fortress! We would respect the Shiv Sainiks more if they did not neglect their institutions like the Ravindra Natya Mandir, the P L Deshpande mini theatre, and the Shivaji Mandir that I am familiar with, and kept up with the times in maintaining these jewels with better stage and technical facilities, seating, parking, and supported it instead of forcefully thrusting Marathi down people’s throat.  Their support of Marathi films is certainly laudatory.  I have seen a number of interesting sensitive Marathi films in recent years peopled and directed by theatre practitioners.  Why neglect their training ground – theatre.

To crown it all, there was the NCPA-National Theatre Live offering of that spectacular production Mary Shelley’s 'Frankenstein'.  This is a newly introduced venture undertaken by the NCPA to screen a film simultaneously of a live theatre performance from the London stage. Though the five-hour time zone difference deters us from screening the film at the same time, so we in Mumbai get to see a live performance a few hours later at a suitable time.

Then there was director Digvijay Savant’s amazingly refreshing, unique and clock-like synchronized staging with rhythm and movement of Vaikom Muhammad Basheer’s 'Me Grandad ‘ad an Elephant' with superb performances by Ayesha Raza Mishra and Ahlam Khan – both with inherited genes from Zohra Segal and Gabbar Singh Amjad Khan respectively -- delightfully supported by Dilshad Edibam!  So much talent in Mumbai now!!!!

And that was not the end.  I was privileged to read some very good  ten short listed plays that were sent in for the Sultan Padamsee Playwriting Awards…and spent a pure theatre evening gossiping and cribbing about theatre and its short comings with fellow judges Lilette Dubey, Pooh Sayani, Akarsh Khurana and monitors Raell Padamsee and Deepa Gahlot.

In the midst of it all arrived an interesting script from a twenty-one year-old ex-student of Wilson College Arnesh Ghosh called “ The Seventh”  – and intelligent  retelling of Macbeth which draws a parallel to life around us based on the six cardinal sins.

We can look forward to a number of contemporary relevant plays being staged in the future.  And it excites me.

AK's Various Thoughts

Revisiting Ahmedabad and Sanjay Dadhich

After many months, I have the honour of beginning my article with a Sanjay Dadhich quote. He's been meeting me less often, primarily because he is now getting key roles in plays, and is also evolving into a popular playwright. His first piece, which featured in T Pot Productions' Chaar Small, is rumoured to be the cream of the crop. I missed the play, for which he has forgiven me. But had I seen it, I would have been wary of giving him any feedback. This is because, not so long ago, I heard him stop an audience member mid sentence and say, "I choose my critics, and you are not one of them. Now let's have some tea." Note how the generous offer of tea softened the morale crushing blow delivered right before. Sigh. This man is an urban legend. And I have so much to learn.

June was relatively less packed than May, but we did manage to make it busy enough. One important achievement for me was to finally perform at Natarani in Ahmedabad. Back in the day, when I was still young, I used to frequent Ahmedabad, mostly to meet my chaddi buddy at NID, and to make failed attempts to justify a doomed romance. In those days, there was this myth of Natarani, this cultural Mecca on the river bank, where Indian Ocean played in lantern lit boats. Later I visited it briefly, and all the rumours were true. But theatre was a hobby then, and cracking integration for the maths exam was the task at hand. Natarani found its way to my wishlist. Later offers came, fizzled out, and I lost hope. But earlier this month, there I was.

You can't see the river anymore, because of some cultural River Project, but its presence is felt nonetheless. The place is genuinely beautiful, and this sense of being in some sort of a heritage site prevails. The café is quaint, serves as an adda for students, and offers lovely chaas. June in Ahmedabad is blisteringly hot. That evening was too, and it was absolutely still. But the audience stayed put, armed with their fans, which were also occasionally used to shoo away low flying bats. One artiste was particularly concerned about these creatures. He was convinced that if five or six of them sensed his fear, they would carry him off. Yes, Christopher Nolan, your work has this effect too. Not everyone conquers their fear.

I meant to see a lot of plays this month. Arms and the Man, Chaar Small, The Class Act, Famous Last Words, Flowers, Mamtaz Bhai Patangwale, The Sound of Music, and so on. I managed to see none of the above. I did read a lot of plays though, on account of being on the panel of judges for a scriptwriting contest. The one play I did manage to see was the revival of Me Grandad ‘ad an Elephant. I had seen and enjoyed it at the Prithvi Festival a few years ago, and then had played a part in a particularly interesting show. It resurrected in June, with the very talented Ahlam Khan returning as the lead, with a spanking new principal cast, including Tom Alter (what an arresting presence), Ayesha Raza Mishra (lovely as ever, note to self: must work with her), Zafar Karachiwala (apparently some girls confessed in their blogs about how seeing him in a lungi made them go weak in the knees) and Dilshad Edibam (the missus) in a new role, which she did wonders with. A lot of credit goes to Digvijay Savant, for his imaginative design, and Ritesh, for his unforgettable music. It’s playing in July. Watch it.

Kashin Baba's Babblings

Six Degrees of Irritation

I’ve mentioned earlier in one of my articles that I’ve been doing theatre for 9 years now, but during all that time I have also had the privilege of ‘watching’ a whole lot of plays too. Now, this shouldn’t reflect as me being a very inattentive audience member, but over the years I have been able to carefully observe and categorize different types of Theatre audience members. Here are six of the most dangerous kind. Dangerous as in, apart from irritating the hell out of you and not letting you enjoy the play, they have the gift of making you think ‘murder’.

1) The “Hmmm” Category :- I’ll be frank, such people are pricks ! They will sit quietly throughout the show just ‘staring’ ! They don’t look happy or sad, they just ‘stare’. Some of them don’t even blink. They will either have their hands folded tightly in front of them, or will rest their head on one hand with three fingers strategically placed on their face, 2 on the temple, 1 right under their lower lip (probably practice it for hours in front of a mirror). And every once in a while, no matter what kind of scene is going on they will let out a small “hmmm” ever so softly, only they can hear it. I have on occasion sat next to such people and am gifted with wolf’s ears, hence I have heard these utterances. What makes these Bolsheviks even bigger pricks is that they feel that the director of the play needs their expert feedback. So they will float backstage after shows with their satchels, walk coldly up to the director, shake his hand and not say more than 5 words :- “Nice, slightly long”.  “Was the hamming intentional? ” .  “Is this your first play ? ” . . . . . .  Did I mention these people are pricks?

2) The ‘jackass’ category :- I have come to believe that people like these are watching a play for the first time in their lives, and the whole concept of people performing live and learning so many lines and making sure they don’t screw up is what’s funny to these people, because they never stop bloody laughing !!  it isn’t even relevant if the play is a comedy or not, these creatures will laugh out loud at the most random things, almost always throwing off the poor actors on stage. And they laugh so loud !! They should be hired by demolition crews. They’ll be watching a play in juhu, but their friends in lamington road will know what a great time they’re having. And please don’t judge me, I’m not being mean or anything, but I have noticed that a majority of the jackass category are these really hefty women. Is the Zinger Burger to be blamed for this? You know, all the mutated chickens they use for their meat ???

3) The  “Look I’m here” category :- Now this species is rare, but once they’re in the auditorium you can say goodbye to those 200 bucks of yours because you are ‘not’ going to see the play, or rather, you wont be able to. When they enter they will scan the crowd and yell out to their friends at the far end of the audi, and even if there is no friend they will let out a very loud “phew” right at the entrance, ‘just’ so that people turn around and look at them. Before the play starts they will (while pretending to actually talk to their friends) let everyone know about what phone they have, what moisturizer they use, how their bowel movements are, etc. Then, throughout the play, comments comments comments !!!  I once witnessed the mother of a certain hindi film hero loving a play ‘so much’ that she belted out comments every 5 minutes, and with such variety :- “oh that’s so true”.  “Did you see that ?”.  “How can she say that ??”.  “What a b*st*rd !!”.   Oh, and all those times she was laughing.

4) The ‘lighthouse’ category :- these people are particularly irritating if they’re sitting in front of you. Why they come to see plays in the first place, I will never understand, because they clearly want to be somewhere else. At the most crucial points of the play these idiots will whip out their cell phones and check messages, or BBM, or check the time, and for no human reason the brightness level of their phones are on 150% intensity, so whenever their phones are out the hundred people behind them get distracted by the harsh light. Oh, and then there are those who will just ‘type away’ (this goes out to you college freaks) probably with 6 other friends who are also in some auditorium or another, but rather than looking at whats in front of them they’re discussing how Sunaina just got a ‘landing strip’ wax !  They aren’t even aware that the people around them wanna turn them into Zinger Burgers. God knows how much of the play they remember when they walk out.  I guess if you ask them what the plot was they’d say, “umm, there were aliens in it right ?”

5) The  ‘slumbering dragon’ category :- I actually sympathize with the people from this category, mainly because. . . . . I am part of it. Situation, you have either skipped lunch or had way too much lunch. Result, your stomach ‘grumbles’. A very normal occurrence, I mean, Bombay being the mother of the vada pav, more than a million people have this problem right? But sit inside a place like Prithvi Theatre for example, and the problem becomes your worst nightmare. The superb acoustics of that auditorium make your tummy sound like a drilling machine. I was watching a play with two friends once, and the lead actress of this play was just about to finish a very long monologue, “lanka was burning, burning ! BURNING !!” and my tummy goes “grrrrrrrrrrrrr” as if on cue. Naturally, my two friends were in splits on my right, the strangers on my left tried very hard to keep a straight face but a few giggles found their way out. Needless to say, I spent the next few days crying in bed and throwing rocks at the Dadar branch of Jumbo vada pav. However, I am atleast apologetic about my problem, but there are those in this category who choose to ignore that they have this problem. Their tummies will go on endlessly in growling symphonies but if you look at them accusingly they will keep staring forward, giving you the impression that you are ‘imagining’ the sounds.  These people are the enemy !! and they should seriously consider a high fibre diet.  

6) The ‘rustle-bustle’ category :- this irritating little sh*t will run into the audi ‘just’ as the third bell has rung, he/she will wobble and tumble through people and squash a few toes on the way to his/her seat ‘just’ as the house lights are dimming. He/she will be armed with a backpack, a raincoat /umbrella (whether its raining or not) 2 newspapers, a water bottle, smelly shoes, heavy breath, and “reeking” of  sweat accumulated from the borivali fast. He/she will then proceed to ruin the first half hour of the play for you, because that’s how long the idiot takes to settle down. First, the raincoat will be taken off, but because he/she has people on either side either the arm gets stuck in the sleeve or someone gets hit in the face, and during the whole process you will only hear the crisp crushing sound of the polyester  raincoat. Then more rustling sounds, as the newspaper is forcibly jammed into the backpack, then the backpack is squeezed and kicked under the seat, then to cover the dirty breath he/she will struggle in the dark with the wrapper of a chlor-mint, then the idiot feels cold and tries to put on the raincoat again. . . . . . . . .  I mean, he/she might as well put up a tent while he’s/she’s at it. Please ! please kill such a person if you ever see them during a play, for my sake. Kill them painfully and slowly !!  ‘I’ will invent the law that will keep you out of  jail !!

Ps:- the writer wishes to emphasize that he does not encourage violence of any kind.  Justice, yes!  Violence, no.  

Q's Countdown: Reasons to do theatre

In my short experience as a theatre director, many people have come and sat on my drawing room couch (not the casting kind), and have wanted to join theatre or theatres...depending on which part of the country you come from. Call me a purist, but I work in theatre because of theatre, not for some ulterior motive. But many that I have met, want to for reasons so far fetched it is hard to believe. So here is a countdown of 7 of the "wrong" reasons for joining theatre.

1. I want to join films: 
   This is a favourite. Scores of people from all over the country come to Bombay in search of stardom. Most feel that they can be the next Naseer and therefore jump into the theatre without even knowing what it is and how much work it takes.
   
2. Can't do anything else:
   This story is not really mine, but Prof. Waman Kendre's. Apparently a parent brought his child to him and asked the child to be enrolled in a workshop. Waman asked the man why, and this was the answer, "He couldn't get into science stream or even commerce, so we thought he should become an actor!"
   
   
3. Fame:
   This is the biggest misconception, that theatre will lead to fame. Satisfaction yes, but fame no. At least not in the way of Bollywood fame. There are a few stage actors that have developed cult following and loyal fans like Anand Tiwari, Rajit Kapur, Zafar Karachiwala and a few others. But most fans flock to see film actors on stage, not stage actors on film.
   
4. Learn Acting
   The lack of acting schools means that anyone who wants to learn acting needs to find other avenues. Theatre seems to have gained the reputation of being that training ground. People believe it will make them better actors for their 'careers'. The tragedy of this is that many actors are then looking at theatre for the experience without actually focusing on making the role as full as it can possibly be.
   
5. Meet Chics
   This is the biggest myth. It happens a lot at the college level and sometimes in the post college level. Theatre actresses wow audiences with their performances. And suddenly people seem to think that doing theatre is a good way to pick up girls. The truth is pretty far from this. These actresses work incredibly hard to make the audience fall in love with them, hours of rehearsals and character study. And the truth is most are taken...by pilots, diamond traders, etc. Sorry guys.
   
6. Lifestyle
   Another great myth, usually held by non-theatrewallahs who think theatre people wake up late, hang out all day, smoke ganja all the time and live the good life. Nothing could be further than the truth. Most people who come to this city have to share 10 to an apartment to make ends meet. Struggle for paying work and use it all the subsidise their love for performing live.
   
7. Unable to make a film
   This is a favourite of writers. People who write screenplays and then when they discover no one will buy it, try and convert it to a stage production. I have read scenes like "It is a godown and the policeman bursts in to raid the smugglers", or "It is a beach and the gangsters boats pull into shore". Filmy is an understatement. 

Well so that's the list. Feel free to comment and to add.