Good News, Bad News
Two stage managers, nearing the ends of their careers, were discussing the likelihood of there being some form of theatrical endeavor in the hereafter. The first consulted a friendly medium. Later the following exchange took place between the two stage managers:
SM1: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a wonderful theatre in heaven -- well equipped, spacious, plenty of wing space. In fact, there's a show opening tomorrow night."
SM2: "That's wonderful! So what's the bad news?"
SM1: "You're calling the show."
The Perfect Blackout
An old stage manager arrived at the Pearly Gates. As a reward for years of patience, discretion, and endeavor, St. Peter granted him a single wish.
"I've never seen a perfect blackout -- can that be arranged?" he asked.
St. Peter snapped his fingers, and the darkness descended. There was not a hint of spill from work lights or prompt corner. There was total silence, not a whisper, not a footstep, not a pin drop -- just complete silence and total darkness. It lasted 18 seconds.
When the lights came up again, St. Peter was gone and the Pearly Gates had been struck.